"Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops", by Jen Campbell

Un libro divertido, hecho con anécdotas de unos cuantos años atendiendo al personal que pasa por las librerías. Copiamos aquí algunas de ellas:

“CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?
BOOKSELLER: ........
CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary?
CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasn’t fictional.
CUSTOMER: Really?
BOOKSELLER: Yes... She really dies at the end – that’s why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.
CUSTOMER: Oh... that’s terrible.
BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was awful -
CUSTOMER: I mean, it’s such a shame, you know? She was such a good writer.” 


“CUSTOMER: I read a book in the sixties. I don’t remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?” 

“CUSTOMER: I don’t know why she wants it, but my wife asked for a copy of The Dinosaur Cookbook.
BOOKSELLER: The Dinah Shore Cookbook?” 

“CUSTOMER: Oh, look, these books are all signed. (Pause) I wonder who signed them?” 

“WOMAN: Hi, where are your copies of Breaking Dawn? I can't see any on the shelf.
BOOKSELLER: Sorry, I think we’ve sold out of the Twilight books; we’re waiting on more.
WOMAN: What?
BOOKSELLER: We should have some in tomorrow.
WOMAN: But I need a copy now. I finished the last one last night.
BOOKSELLER: I’m sorry, I can’t help you.
WOMAN: No, you don’t understand. I’ve taken the whole day off work to read it.
BOOKSELLER: Erm…
WOMAN: I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! NOW!
BOOKSELLER: Erm…
WOMAN: Can you call your wholesaler and see if they can deliver this afternoon?
BOOKSELLER: They only ---
WOMAN: And then I can wait here for them.
BOOKSELLER: I’m sorry, they only deliver in the morning.
WOMAN: BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?
BOOKSELLER: . . .we have many other books.
WOMAN (sniffs): Do any of those have Robert Pattinson in them?” 

“CUSTOMER: Where are your fictional novels?” 

“CUSTOMER: Do you have any of those books where you can change the names of the main character to the name of the person you're giving the book to? Do you have Alice in Wonderland, but not Alice, I'd like Sarah in Wonderland.
BOOKSELLER: I'm afraid you have to buy those from the publisher, as they're a print on demand service.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, I don't really have time to do that. Do you have a copy of Alice? Then I can buy some Tipp-ex or something, and edit it.” 

“CUSTOMER (to her friend): What's this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?” 

"Customer: Do you sell Ipod chargers?"

"Customer: I'm just going to nip to Tesco to do the weekly shop. I'm just going to leave my sons here, is that ok? They're three and five. They're no bother."

"Customer: Excuse me, do you have any signed copies of Shakespeare plays?
Bookseller: Er... do you mean signed by the people who performed the play?
Customer: No, I mean signed by William Shakespeare.
Bookseller: .....*headdesk* "

"Customer: Hi, I'd like to return this book, please. 
Bookseller: Do you have the receipt?
Customer: Here. 
Bookseller: Erm, you bought this book at Waterstone's. 
Customer: Yes. 
Bookseller:.... we're not Waterstone's. 
Customer: But, you're a bookshop. 
Bookseller: Yes, but we're not Waterstone's. 
Customer: You're all part of the same chain. 
Bookseller: No, sorry, we're an independent bookshop. 
Customer: ....
Bookseller: Put it this way, you wouldn't buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you?
Customer: Well, no, because they're different shops. 
Bookseller: Exactly. 
Customer:... I'd like to speak to your manager."

"Pizza Delivery Man [entering the shop with a large pile of pizzas and seeing the bookseller, the only person in the bookshop]: Hi, did you order fifteen pizzas?"