Singulares y plurales: una lección en inglés

El español hace el plural en -s o-es, pero eso no evita que haya ciertos casos que producen confusión. Por ejemplo, ¿debemos decir "el alicate" o "el alicates"?, cuando vamos a comprar "unos pantalones", ¿queremos comprar uno solo o más de uno? En la gramática siempre se estudian los llamados singularia tantum ("solo singular"), como los nombres propios y comunes como cariz, norte, sur, oeste, este, tez, caos, cenit, nadir, salud, sed, grima, fénix, etc. Existen también pluralia tantum ("solo pulral"), como el citado alicates, y otros nombres como pantalones, tijeras... (aunque algunos de ellos han generado un singular analógico: "Pásame el alicate", "Dame la tijera", "Ponte bien el pantalón"). Solo existen en plural nombres de montañas como Andes, Alpes, Pirineos, y nombres de dioses menores romanos (los Lares, los Penates, los Manes). En singular hay también nombres de montes como Himalaya.

En fin, que en nuestra lengua, como en todas, existen sus complicaciones. La lengua no es la lógica y mucho menos la lengua inglesa, pues si algo gusta a los británicos son las excepciones, las particularidades y las minucias y especificidades.

En inglés hay también plurales irregulares y nada mejor para recordarlos que una canción que los niños de la "péfida Albión" aprenden en la escuela:

The English lesson

We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
If I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this and the plural is these,
Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be named kese?
Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose;
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!

So our English, I think, you all will agree,
Is the craziest language you ever did see.

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat;
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there,
Or dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there's dose and rose and lose,
Just look them up, and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.

A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!